It is 9:oo am on a Wednesday morning and I am still in bed. I have been up since 7:30 listening to the boys playing in the next room. But here I am on my laptop, playing with Pinterest (oh goodness, all signs point to a new addictive distraction!), following some twitter action, and otherwise enjoying the morning.
So far, on vacation, I’ve learned how to shoot a Nerf gun, played 17 games of Trouble, 5 games of Kids’ Sequence, 1/2 a game of Sorry, 2 games of Hiss!, and danced a raucous round of Let’s Dance 3. If you need an ego boost, come on over and dance with the boys. Let’s just say I have moves more like Elaine than “like Jagger” but still my enthusiastic efforts were met with oohs, ahhs and “Mommy, you are so good at dancing!”
I have laughed and cried at Mr. Popper’s Penguins.
I have started crafting a vision board of sorts for 2012 on Pinterest (more on that later).
I had lunch with and spent time with my guys, with my sister, niece and nephew who we rarely see despite all being in the same town. Because life happens and kids have parties and school and stuff.
I’ve been amazed by my 6 year old’s determination and concentration in building crazy Lego Bionicle creations.
I’ve proudly watched the three boys play well together, needing little to no parental intervention or reinforcements.
I have gone for a long walk by myself in the middle of the day.
I have had wine by the fire place.
I’ve been home for dinner with the boys every night. We haven’t always actually eaten dinner thanks to all the snacking throughout the day, but I’ve been here.
I have read bed time stories. And had bed time stories read to me.
I have wiped chocolate covered faces, snotty noses–and well, bottoms. It’s not all glamour, you know.
I have hugged and wrestled and kissed cheeks and heads.
Here is what I haven’t done:
I haven’t been too distracted by my email. Ok, I’ve checked a work email here and there. But I’ve only replied once! (Yes, I am looking for a pat on the back there.)
I haven’t yelled at the boys. I don’t think I’ve yelled at the boys. Well, maybe once. Ok, yeah, I’ve probably yelled at least once. But I haven’t yelled at the boys much.
I haven’t berated myself for some perceived misstep or mistake–real or imagined. I’ve made mistakes this week. C’mon, I make mistakes every day. Burnt toast. “Boiling water” for tea without plugging in the kettle. But I kept on rolling and didn’t dwell on them.
I haven’t beat myself up for something out of my control. Package not arriving until after Christmas? Oh, well, nothing I could do about it. So no use feeling bad about it. Because sometimes things happen that I can’t control and the world, it keeps spinning.
Here’s the thing that all of this has led to (and thanks for hanging in, if you are still with me): The holidays are sometimes about presents. And with three boys 6 and under, there was a lot about presents around here, for sure. But the holidays have also been a lot about presence for me.
So, what did I do on my vacation? I have been here. I have been present with myself and with my family. With all the hustle and bustle of every day life, I sometimes forget to really notice the boys. I’m too busy rushing them out the door in the morning and rushing them into bed at night.
They are awesome. Smart, funny, kind little dudes that I want to be able to spend more time with. Not just be with more, but really be with more.
So as I sit up here, writing this post and reflecting on how lucky I really am, I realize that there are some changes I have to make. Some external, many internal to really be the woman, wife, mom I want to be in real life. Because I only have 6 more days of “vacation” but I have 363 days after that to make a real difference in 2012.
