I have been fascinated by–and focused on–the idea of happiness lately. Or by the seemingly elusive nature of happiness and all the ways we think about and talk about it:
- The key to happiness…
- The secret to happiness…
- The pursuit of happiness…
- Money doesn’t buy you happiness…
- Happiness is a new pair of red, kitten heel shoes..(OK, not a saying–just me.)
I didn’t make a New Year’s resolutions this year. I made a pledge to get happy. I have been walking around, going through life feeling “not sad.” Except for last Sunday when I suddenly–and without warning or provocation–burst into tears while looking in the pantry for a snack.
My poor husband. Some one really should give that man a medal.
But besides that 10-minute interlude, I’ve been feeling “Fine,” “Not bad,” “Okay,” and “Alright.” And it had been working out for me, I guess. But I started feeling sick of being just okay. And since happiness is not the absence of despair, just like health is not the absence of illness, I wasn’t entirely sure what to do/where to start. So with January’s arrival I pledged to start figuring out this happiness thing. And the first thing I found out pretty quickly (via a Google search for “being happy”) is that there is a lot of information out there on the science of happiness and how to be happy. In fact, I might be verging on happiness information overload.
- I watched TED talks by monks, scientists, and a guy with a blog about awesome things.
- I joined websites with cute names that offer mental exercises and community message boards.
- I found a zillion books with mindfulness programs to try.
Lessons learned so far: First, the experts currently seem to agree that happiness (or well-being) is internal. Pleasure, felt from external stimuli, is not happiness. OK, so this is not exactly news. I think we can all think of examples–personal and celebrity-related–that prove that things don’t make people happy. Because pleasure is fleeting and true happiness is long-term. Not ground-breaking, but worth remembering when I think “if only I made more money, had a bigger house, could buy that new purse…”
The second key to finding personal fulfillment is to stop comparing ourselves to others. Before Facebook we knew that our friend’s husband bought her flowers. But we didn’t have to see the pictures of the bouquets and read her love notes thanking him each time. Now we see those damn Gerbera daisies and we think her husband must love her more than ours do. Then there’s that ex-boyfriend’s vacation in the Carribbean (no, stop that–unfollow any ex-boyfriends–no good comes from that), our neighbor’s son’s athletic scholarship to Stanford, that one mom we met at that one field trip who was offered a Tide commercial while grocery shopping last week… Step away from the computer. Everyone has their own battles and no one’s life is perfect. Be happy for your cousin/neighbor/best friend and move on with your own life. Be grateful for what you have–and you do have a lot of pretty cool things going on, too. If you take the time to notice them.
Happiness on the horizon
That brings me to yet another thing all the smart kids are saying these days: Stop and smell the roses. Ok, they might not be saying it exactly like that. They are using other words like Savor, Mindfulness and Meditate. Basically, Tune Out and Tune In. (Sorry, I can’t help myself, I love all these sayings. I see lots of framed letterpress posters in my future.) Notice the little things in life that make you happy. It is important to pay attention and enjoy the present moment.
And today’s final nugget of info is this: Breathe. I think Lindsay Lohan has this tattooed on her wrist, so you know it is good advice.
Focus inward, let the great world spin, close your eyes, and stop thinking so damn much. Be present. Be grateful. And breathe.
So, the good news is that, according to everything I’ve read and watched so far, the word on the street is that anyone can decide to be happy.
The not-as-good news is that it doesn’t happen overnight; it takes intent and practice. Turns out learning to be happy might actually be hard work. But I’m betting it’s worth the effort.
