If I were Alanis Morissette and I was singing about irony in a totally incorrect, nonsensical way, I’d sing about free rides when I’ve already paid and good advice that I just didn’t take. Then I’d have another chorus all about having wrinkles and zits. At the same time!
Isn’t it ironic, dontcha think? A little too ironic. Try a little too depressing.
There should be a law…a law of nature…a law of fairness…that says no one person should have to deal with wrinkles and pimples on the same face at the same time. If you are old enough for wrinkles then zits should have been over at least a decade ago. And if you have a zit on your chin, there is no way in hell you should have crows’ feet. (And yes, I do think it is plural crows since there seems to have been a murder of them dancing on my eyes this week.)
That should be especially true if you have curly hair that refuses to settle into any sort of style–making you either look 12 or 72 depending on the day and the climate.
And you are rapidly nearing the big 4-0.
And you work your ass off–though not literally since you never really had an ass to begin with. See all the injustices piling up?
And you have a lot going on! A. Lot. Going. On.
This figurative person we are talking about should not be buying ZapZyt (which, by the way, totally works despite the goofy name) and wrinkle cream. She should not be scouring the aisles of Walgreen’s looking for Neutrogena’s Anti Wrinkle, Anti Blemish cream. Apparently, enough focus group participants mentioned a need for this dual action cream for Neutrogena to make it, but not enough people buy it for stores to keep it on the shelves. It is ridiculously hard to find.
When I was in high school struggling to cover up my pimples, my mother told me to smile and no one would even notice them. 20something years later I can still hear her saying that as I struggle to conceal zits and under eye circles, running late in the morning as I spend extra time on makeup–dabbing loose powder on the blemish to make it seem smaller and less visible.
Let’s be honest, that advice was total crap, especially in high school when people absolutely notice that sort of thing. But at least now as I’m nearing my 4th decade I know one thing for sure. Generally, people think about us and our looks a lot less than we do. While I spend the day agonizing over all my imperfections–real and perceived–everyone else is doing the same thing to themselves. Except maybe in high school where everyone is trying to feel better about themselves by fixating on each other. (So thanks a lot for that advice, Mom.)
And knowing that is small consolation as I pray for flattering lighting and clients with poor eye sight on my way to work today.
But when I win the Mega Millions tonight and become a millionaire 300 times over after taxes, I’m totally hiring a dermatologist, a make up artist, and a hair stylist. Plus a personal shopper, trainer and chef. So there.
Sadly, this post was not sponsored by Neutrogena or ZapZyt.
